“only boldness can deliver from fear. And if the risk is not taken, the meaning of life is somehow violated, and the whole future is condemned to hopeless staleness.” – Carl Jung
Today, I talk about an important aspect of the anxiety recovery journey, desensitization. This process is gradual and entails that you expose yourself little by little to the situations, things, and feelings that make you feel uncomfortable. The goal? To become braver and increase your tolerance over these fears.
This post was fuelled by a question I received from Aksana. She says: “Thank you so much for your videos. I watch every one. Would you please make a video on the fear of flying? I am afraid of having a panic attack on the plane and no one will be able to help me. I have a 3 hour flight coming up in 2 weeks and I am already having a heavy stomach feeling with shortness of breath and heart palpitations. I haven’t flown in 11 years.”
Here are the 2 BIG anxiety fears: losing control and making a fool out of yourself while you do. I understand from Aksana’s question that her perceptions over her sensations is of fear. It may seem obvious, but it is important to note that when you are fearful of losing control and having no help, this produces physical symptoms which then fuels more of that fear. In short, the fear of the strange sensations and not having control over them only fuels the anxiety and in turn enhances the sensations. It can become a never ending loop.
Most likely than not, Aksana has had this fear of losing control in other environments. Places that have made her feel trapped and she reacted to those bodily sensations with extreme emotion. Now, this anxiety response is produced from this tiny almond shaped part of the brain called the Amygdala. When someone is sensitive/reactive over these sensations they are stacking a painful emotion onto it. Like my 10-year-old self who had a panic attack when I reacted to those unusual sensations as if they were going to end my life. A threat. The Amygdala then stored this important information because that’s what it does. It holds onto certain experiences and feelings so that we do not walk into the same situation, person, or thing later on. It works by association. Heart palpitations equals THREAT. Shortness of breath equals THREAT. But also, certain environments and people can become linked to a positive, neutral, or negative emotion depending on our experience.
If you have stacked a negative emotion onto a certain person, place, or thing, then to desensitize yourself to it/them you have to gradually expose yourself to it/them over time. Say you are sensitive to the subway ride to work. You had a panic attack on it before. To start, begin by looking at a picture of the inside of the subway car on Google images. Look at the picture until you are BORED of it. The reason is, the Amygdala is now creating the link between the image and not dying. A new meaning is emerging. This thing will not take my life. Now after the picture, how about you imagine yourself riding on the subway. This can be intense, but imaging the situation the way you want it to go is important for new associations to me made within your Amygdala. The brain does not know the difference between what’s REAL and what’s IMAGINED so visualization is HUGE for desensitization. Then after this, once you feel more neutral over this visualization, show up to the entrance of the subway tunnel. Stand there and wait until your anxiety goes from a level 9 down to a 3 or 4. Remember, each one of these steps should be done on separate days. Perhaps each step is a weekly goal. Next, journey down into the subway tunnel and stand near the platform. Wait there until you feel neutral and then leave. The next day, perhaps you ride the train to ONE stop and get off. The following day, maybe you ride it for TWO stops. Eventually over time, the more you do this, you grow in bravery and the fear shrinks down. You realize you are capable of more than you thought you were. Gradual voluntary exposure to what makes you uncomfortable is what’s necessary to build that inner trust and bravery. Fight the small dragons so that you build on your competence which then drives you to challenge the adult dragons.
It’s the unknown/uncertainty that overwhelms you, right? So add more certainty to the uncertainty. Conquering those small dragons, like exposing yourself to a picture of the subway on Google, is what builds on the certainty. Your internal dialogue shifts to: “well if I can accomplish this goal, then maybe I can obtain the next.” Like what Carl Jung proposes: what you need most is found in the place you least want to look. So voluntary confrontation of what makes you uncomfortable is what’s needed for desensitization and self mastery.
Below is the full podcast episode on desensitization. Listen and let me know your thoughts!